Take One Word
by schizophrenic-twilight-lover
Summary: She doesn't know how it began, but she doesn't care. Her want pulled him in, and now they're stuck in a downward spiral of lust; love. The rules no longer applies, because her addiction has changed and she changed with it. JasperBella


_**Okay guys. I'll admit, I've been away for a while. More than a while. I'm really sorry, but I sort of got put off with the Twilight explosion from all the teeny boppers. No offence. It's just that I don't like following really popular trends. It makes me feel like a sheep, which I hate. Almost all of my favourite authors left the fandom too, so I was a bit disappointed, but I've finally found my muse to write again. Anyways, new story. Huzzah! Oh and as for my other two stories...I'm sorry but I don't know if I'll be updating that much for those. Personally, I'm currently more into this story, but we'll see.**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, but I do own this story.**_

_**oh, yeah. mature content. i don't write lemons or limes which i find a bit disturbing, but there will be hints and...vague discriptions. very, very, very vague. and nothing that is even close to anything gross. still, i recommend being at least 13 to read this.**_

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**One Mistake From Being Together**

I chant in my head. _This means nothing. This means nothing. This means nothing._

His fingertips trail across my collarbone, igniting sparks where our flesh made contact. I run my hands along the side of his face, caressing him. _This means nothing. This means nothing. This means nothing. _He cradles me closer to him and I lick the skin behind his ear. A tingle rushes through me and I shiver from pleasure.

He pulls my head back by my hair and pressed his lips to my neck. His tongue darts out to meet my skin and I grab closer to him. I don't want to let go. _Never let go. Never let go. Never let go. _I hug his head to mine, and our lips meet. Fire on contact. Our tongues twist, and dance together. He's better, he's faster, but I can hold my own. I can make him cry out, I can make him scream. The corners of my mouth curve up in a deviant smile. I have power over him.

Lust courses through me, but I know it's not only mine I'm feeling. I can feel his lust too; he wants me. The thrill of being with an empathy, every touch is sensitive, every breath is satisfaction, every moan from him lights me on fire. I scream. _Yes, yes, yes._ No limits, no boundaries. Nothing.

He sucks on my lips. Pressure. Happiness. I love it. Suddenly, he rips himself off of me.

"He's coming." He says as his pants are pulled on and his shirt is buttoned up.

I sit on my bed, staring. My buzz is gone. It's been extinguished, like dumping a bucket of cold water on my hot shower. The water is cold, and the moment is gone.

He tosses me my babydoll nightgown.

"Put it on." He commands and I obey.

Without a backwards glance, he jumps out the window. My eyes bore into the wall. It's gone. My rush is gone, and I want it back._ I want it back. I want it back. I want it back. _I groan in frustration.

A blur races through my bedroom window and I'm hopeful. Maybe, he came back. I see a flash of bronze hair. The hope dies inside of me, writhing in embarassment. What was I thinking? It's not _him._

"Hello, love." Edward says. He walks over to my bed and lies down next to me.

_Love. _The word sounds foreign to me coming from his lips. I feel a stab in my chest. Guilt sets in and I want to take it all back. It hurts. _Love. _I smile back weakly. I can't take it back. I can't. I can't. Not anymore, not when I can still taste _him_ on my lips, not when I can still smell _him_ in the air. I know that. What's done is done.

He knows something is wrong. I can see the worry in his eyes. Don't worry. Not about me. I'm horrible. I'm a horrible person. Don't love me. I want to shout at him to run away from me. Run and leave me forever. I don't deserve you, not after what I've done. I don't say anything though, I don't want to hurt him. Not any more than I am, but that's twisted logic. Twisted, just like me. Something's wrong with me. I should be locked up. I should be alone forever.

"What's wrong?" He whispers. The wrinkles on my forehead deepen.

"Nothing." I lie.

I do that a lot now. I lie to everyone. It's easier that way, to show them an illusion of who I am. I don't think they could handle who I actually am. The real me. I'm not as innocent as they think I am. I'm not selfless, I just don't like myself very much because there's no way for me to hide what I am. Who I am.

"What did Jasper do?"

I freeze. Does he know?

"What do you mean?" I'm like a deer caught in someone's headlights. I break out in a cold sweat.

"I can smell his scent all over you. Did he say something to you?"

I unfreeze and slump slightly in relief.

"No. I'm just...tired." I smile at him again, forcing it to look as real as possible. It hurts my face.

Edward smiles at me, and my breath is snatched away. _Beautiful. _I wish I could be as beautiful as him, and be able to take someone's breath away. I could, I think to myself. One little bite and I'm a new person. I'd be better, faster, stronger, equal.

He starts to hum my lullaby, the notes flowing in and out of one another. They blend into a song, _my _song. Guilt settles in my mind again. Edward's done so much for me. He's done _everything_ for me. I can't even begin to repay him, so instead I do the opposite? What kind of a person am I? Until I remember, right. I'm a horrible person. _Horrible, horrible, horrible._

Exhaustion overtakes me. I yawn loudly, before turning over in a deep slumber. My last thoughts, before drifting into sleep, were of Edward. I'm glad of it. That's how it should be. Him, lying beside me, sing me to sleep and I dream of Edward all night long, but in my heart, I wasn't content with that. I knew why. I'd had a taste of what I could have, every night, if it weren't for Edward and I really wasnt strong enough to withstand that sort of temptation.

I knew what I wanted, and unfortunately, it wasn't Edward. It wasn't him at all.

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**Feedback, feedback, feeback. Constructive contricism is welcomed too. Feel free to review in any way, shape or form. I don't know :)**


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